By Bill Heaney
Great to know that Haggis and Heaney have something in common. We are both banned.
I believe that Rabbie Burns, were he alive today, would be on my side, wearing the ban from West Dunbartonshire Council like a badge of honour.
LibDem MP, Alistair Carmichael, who was formerly a fiscal at Dumbarton, has today called for fresh action by trade ministers to open up exports of traditional Scottish haggis to the United States, ahead of Burns Night this evening.
I am calling for West Dunbartonshire Council to grow up and reconsider their ban on me, now that Nicola and her SNP colleagues have shown they can curse to a tune on the bagpipes.
The Big Yin, Billy Connolly, must surely have a joke in the making about the bollards outside Dumbarton Central – ‘a bunch o’ puddins’ at the station’.
Haggis is a central dish at Burns Suppers held across West Dunbartonshire and around the world in celebration of the life of Scottish poet Robert Burns, but the traditional haggis remains banned in the US despite years of campaigning.
Speaking in the House, Mr Carmichael said: “Mr Speaker, I wish you and the rest of the House a happy Burns Night for this evening. Is it not a scandal that the only way to get the great chieftain o’ the puddin race exported to the United States is by sending the vegetarian version?
“Could not the Secretary of State put that into her 18-point action plan and get on and do something, or does she want to risk forever being known as a wee cowrin, tim’rous beastie?”
Responding, the Secretary of State for Business and Trade, Kemi Badenoch MP said: “I thank the right hon. Gentleman for his esoteric question. We are continually removing barriers to US-UK trade, and we are trading with the US more than ever before. If he has a specific example that I can help with so that he can enjoy his Burns Night, I would appreciate it if he wrote to me, and we will look at the matter in detail.”
Reacting after the exchange Mr Carmichael said: “The Secretary of State did not betray an enormous knowledge of the state of the haggis trade in her reply, all the more disappointing on the date of Robert Burns’ birth.
“This week we have been reminded that even making a decent cup of tea is a struggle in the United States, so exporting good haggis there may be a step too far for our American cousins.
“Even so, I am sure that should ministers finally get round to securing a lift on the ban, there will be many in the US making a grateful prayer in reply.”
“People across Scotland and beyond know the unalloyed joys that come from a freshly caught and well-cooked haggis, and far be it for us to keep that joy to ourselves when we could sell it across the world.”
Making a decent cup of tea is just about within the capabilities of West Dunbartonshire Council’s members, but there’s not a drop of uisce even for the press and public, who meet the bill for it.
Here’s tae us
Wha’s like us
No’ many
And they’re a’ deid
Meanwhile, there are 131 affiliated Burns clubs in Scotland, according to the Robert Burns World Federation, as well as many more around the world.
They celebrate Burns Night and organise events throughout the year such as poetry readings, themed dinners, and educational initiatives.
New Cumnock Burns Club and Glasgow Haggis Club are among those which remain male-only, or “stag clubs”, but official figures on the total number are not held.
Jon Wilson, the new president of the New Cumnock club, said they had never had a female member – but there was nothing in the constitution banning women from joining.
“Every member be it male or female, would have to be approved by the committee before becoming a member,” he said.
Meanwhile, Dumbarton has a long history associated with Robert Burns which was tackled in a talk by Jim Scullion to the Lennox Heritage Society in December (see poster below).