NOTEBOOK by BILL HEANEY

In a twin-pronged attack on the SNP government, Scotland’s Labour and Tory leaders kicked the proposal for a National Care Service off the park and into the crowd.

Newly-elected Tory leader Russell Findlay put the boot into First Minister John Swinney and his predecessor Nicola Sturgeon when he told MSPs: “The Scottish National Party’s plan for a national care service has already wasted £28 million of taxpayers’ money.

“Four parliamentary committees have warned about its flaws, national health service bosses have serious concerns and Scotland’s council leaders and unions have pulled their support, so why is the First Minister pushing ahead with a plan that no one seems to want?”

Mr Swinney’s defence was as weak as Celtic and Rangers’ turned out to be in their European Championship ties this week, but like the captains of Scotland’s biggest football clubs, he had the good manners to observe the usual courtesies before being taken to the cleaners.

He said: “Before I answer the substance of Russell Findlay’s question, I welcome him to his post as leader of the Scottish Conservative and Unionist Party.”

Unlike the football team captains, however, he added: “I look forward to our exchanges, which will take their course over the coming weeks, months and years.”

First Minister John Swinney, Tory leader Russell Findlay and Labour leader Anas Sarwar.

Mr Findlay, described by a journalist colleague as “a tabloid hack made good” decided to take a shorter route to goal than his predecessor Douglas Ross, who just happens to be a football referee.

He told Mr Swinney: “One in five care homes has closed in the past decade and the NHS is paying the price, with almost 2,000 people trapped in hospitals—the highest number on record. Scotland’s care sector is collapsing today. People need action today. Every penny should be spent helping them today, rather than wasting years on yet another SNP pet project that is doomed to failure. Why can the First Minister not see that?”

Mr Swinney, whose SNP team for the moment is almost as bad as his home town team of St Johnstone, replied: “It is for many of the reasons that Mr Findlay puts to me that I support having a national care service. I am very concerned about the level of delayed discharge in our hospitals today. That has been the focus of significant attention from me as First Minister, from the Cabinet Secretary for Health and Social Care and his team and from those who act on our behalf.

“Almost 2,000 people are delayed in leaving hospital at the moment. We have been putting in a sustained effort, and I think that the situation would have been significantly worse had we not done so. However, per 100,000 of population, the number of delayed discharges in each area ranges today from 9.3 in one local authority area to 10 in another, which is 10 times as many.

“If one local authority area can secure a delayed discharge level of 9.3 per 100,000 of population, I ask myself why the position is 10 times worse at the other end of the spectrum. That is unfair, it must be addressed and that is what a national care service will deliver.”

But like Celtic and Rangers, he was going nowhere fast. He had the look of a player who had been brought down in the penalty box and was getting nothing for it.

Outclassed home and away Celtic, Rangers and the Scottish Parliament.

Russell Findlay slid in this hospital pass: “The First Minister’s own figures reveal that this is a today problem, and it is classic SNP—wasting time and money and neglecting what people really need. Government ministers are yet again grabbing power from local communities. The national care service will cost billions of pounds, and that is just to set it up. How will another expensive, bloated and wasteful quango help anyone?”

Yellow card for Swinney then for kicking the ball away? Not a bit of it.

Just as Scottish football clubs continue to play in Europe, where they are so out of their depth, Mr Swinney continues to lead his team out to a drubbing each week at Holyrood.

The First Minister told the raw boned Tory pivot, who by the smile on his face appeared to be enjoying his debut: “One of the factors that Mr Findlay will be calculating in the cost assessment that he has just put on the record is the fact that, as part of this exercise, we intend to increase the pay and remuneration of social care workers around the country.

“No wonder he objects to that, because the Conservatives have objected to every attempt on our part to improve pay for social care workers the length and breadth of the country.”

Just like the £ millions football clubs have squandered on transfer fees and bloated salaries for second rate players and who constantly assure supporters that they’re up for the challenges ahead, the participants in the Holyrood blame game – for that is what it is – fail miserably on an ongoing basis to put the ball in the net.

“I assure Mr Findlay that, at the present moment, significant pressure is being applied to improve the delayed discharge [from hospital] position in local authority areas where it is poor. We maintain that pressure on a constant basis and it occupies a huge amount of my attention as First Minister and that of the health secretary.

“Some areas are improving, but not nearly fast enough. If we have a situation in which, in one local authority area, it is possible for there to be only 9.3 members of the public in delayed discharge per 100,000, how is it justifiable for there to be 10 times that number in any other part of the country? That is why we need a national care service.”

Russell Findlay responded: “This really does sum up what is wrong with politics in Scotland. There are plans for a national care service that are costing a fortune but not caring for anyone, just like the ferries that do not carry passengers and prisons that free criminals early.

[He omitted to mention footballers who by comparison with those in other countries couldn’t kick their own backside]

“This Government needs a reality check. It has become disconnected from the people that it is supposed to represent, like the thousands who are in need of care today. Surely it is basic common sense to ditch the SNP’s national care service plan and just put the money directly into front-line care.”

For ‘people in need of care’ substitute ‘football supporters’ in the previous sentence.

The First Minister attempted to trip him up: “This Government is investing in our social care system and investing in the provision of care services throughout this country in a more significant way than is provided for by the financial allocations made to Scotland by the United Kingdom Government.”

And this is where he introduced the name of Liz Truss to moans from the crowd and whistles from the public gallery.

The game was a bogey and the ba’ was burst. What masochist signed Scottish clubs up to take part in all those matches in European Champions League this winter?

And who in God’s name voted for these politicians elected to what Billy Connolly called our “pretendy wee parliament” which can achieve little or nothing without approval and funding from Westminster?

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There are no half time oranges handed out at FMQs. The way was now clear for Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar enter a match where there were no free tickets on offer.

Anas, who has been seen at a Dumbarton match while looking for votes in the company of his deputy, Dame Jackie Baillie, has been besting the SNP government at Holyrood for the past four years and will lead them into the soon to be with us Scottish Parliamentary elections.

Anas is without question the best player at Holyrood, the political equivalent of Olympique Lyonnais striker Lacazette and his colleagues Cherki and Fofana who ran rings round Rangers or Borussia Dortmund’s Karim Adeyemi who scored a first-half hat-trick against Celtic.

He told MSPs: “We have known for years that delayed discharge is exacerbating the crisis in our national health service. Delayed discharge is when someone is medically cleared to leave hospital but is unable to do so due to the lack of a care package.

“Almost a decade and countless health ministers ago, the SNP promised to eradicate this dangerous practice, but new figures show that, on average, 2,000 patients were needlessly stuck in hospital every day in August—the highest number on record.

“More than £1.3 billion has been lost to delayed discharge since the Scottish National Party promised in February 2005 to eradicate it. Why has the SNP Government spectacularly failed to tackle the crisis?”

Still limping from his encounter with Tory leader Findlay, John Swinney replied: “As Mr Sarwar will know, there has been a significant increase in demand on our health and care services as a consequence of the Covid pandemic. That is the reality of what we are wrestling with.

“In addressing that reality, the Government has delivered on our commitment in the programme for government to increase social care spending by 25 per cent over this session of Parliament—two years ahead of our original target. We have put in those extra resources because we were prepared to take the hard decision on tax in order to increase public investment and public expenditure.

“I do not in any way diminish or dismiss the significance of the problem of delayed discharge. I have recounted and put on the record the disparity in the performance of health and social care partnerships around the country, which is a source of great concern to me.

“The Government has invested in the system to ensure that we can support it and deliver on expectations. However, we face higher demand as a consequence of Covid.”

“Scottish Labour has called for a national care service for more than a decade. When the Government finally agreed to support one, we welcomed that, but we also warned that it had to be more than a slogan. Half a decade later, the SNP’s plans are in disarray.

“The fact is that its plans are for a national care service in name only, which will do nothing to fix the problem and will not fund a single extra care worker or improve services. That is why care unions, councils and national health service leaders are now withdrawing support and raising concerns.

“The SNP’s plans could now cost £2.2 billion. Surely, that money should be spent on care packages, additional workers, better pay and conditions and reducing delayed discharge.”

The First Minister put the ball out for a corner kick. He said: “That is precisely what the Government is doing. I have just put on the public record the fact that the Government has increased social care spending by 25 per cent—which was our target—and has delivered that early.

“Members of the Parliament must accept that we have to operate within a budget that is agreed by this Parliament. Within the commitments that we have made, we have increased social care expenditure so that care workers are paid more, which they are, and so that more care workers are employed, as they are being, to make sure that we can deliver that care.

“However, there is a challenge from rising demand, which is why the delayed discharge figure is so high, and we have variations in performance among the different [council] areas of the country. Those are the realities that we are wrestling with.

“Reducing public expenditure or not continuing to invest in that service will not help us. Mr Sarwar now represents the position of wanting to change what we have done on tax. He does not support the extra investment that we have generated from tax decisions; he supports a United Kingdom Government that is carrying on with austerity. We have to break out of the austerity cycle—we need investment. This Government is committed to that, but I do not think that Mr Sarwar is.”

But Anas Sarwar brushed this challenge aside: “The First Minister does not live in reality and does not accept that, on the Government’s watch, outcomes are getting worse for people in Scotland. He can try to spin the facts and blame others all he wants, but the truth is that his plan is an absolute disaster. Workers do not want it, experts do not want it and warnings have been ignored for years. The Government’s botched plans are just a power grab. They will waste money, will not improve care and will not address delayed discharge, which is a key factor in the NHS crisis.

“We support a proper national care service, but no good idea ever survives the incompetence of the Government. Will the First Minister wake up to the reality in our NHS and care service, ditch the costly and unworkable National Care Service (Scotland) Bill, and bring forward a credible alternative plan to fix the crisis that the Government has created?”

[In other words, like Celtic and Rangers, the Scottish government should go back to the drawing board]

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We know politics is a serious business, but it does give us the occasional laugh. Like when Sir Keir Starmer was making a speech in relation to the Middle East crisis and he referred to the Hamas hostages, sadly still in captivity, as sausages.

Such bloomers can happen in any business. Take tonight for example on BBC Scotland’s tea time news show when the presenter was doing an interview about elections. She expressed deep embarrassment about mixing elections up with another similar word she declined to repeat while apologising for using it. Send us the link to this story. The first Democrat reader to e mail us with the offending word wins a pound of sausages.