by BILL HEANEY
Scottish Water’s public relations campaign to quieten the natives in Dumbarton has turned swiftly into a bucket of sewage, which has been slung back unceremoniously in the faces of their spin doctors and fat cat bosses. It has made them a laughing stock,Dumbarton United are just one of the local groups who have been applying serious pressure to the utility company that received the green light from West Dunbartonshire Council to carry out the roadworks which have effectively closed the Artizan Bridge and brought mayhem to Cardross and Renton roads.
Since I can’t get the spin doctors to explain anything to The Dumbarton Democrat, I used the age-old journalistic tactic of asking a woman in the street what she thought of what was happening in the West End of Dumbarton at the moment.
She said: “It’s absolute chaos up there. I heard it took someone an hour and a half to get to her work this morning. She couldn’t get in or out of the place.”
The West End is a big place with a large population – Oxhill, Brucehill, Castlehill, Clerkhill, Westcliff and Westfield are home to thousands of families with hundreds of cars, and they have to get to their work in the morning.
If you had the probable traffic disruption flagged up to you and you were one of the public officials charged with making things run as smoothly as possible in Dumbarton, then you would have done that.
Especially when, for the benefit of your knowledge and experience, you were being paid a large sum of money.
West Dunbartonshire Council’s Chief Officer Peter Hessett and Scottish Water boss Alexander Plant receive an eye-watering £500,000 a year between them. Yes, between them.
That’s correct. Half a million pounds or more in salaries, bonuses and expenses.
And I’ll bet that neither of them got out of bed early enough to see the traffic chaos building inexorably around Dalreoch at around 8 o’clock in the morning.
Once again, residents got in touch with the powers that be through social media.
Dumbarton United board, who are looking to win public support for their football club by taking up deserving causes, wrote: “We can confirm we’ve been applying enormous pressure on those in power to get these works suspended until a better solution can be found.
“Whether they’re actually listening is another matter, but we’ve sent strongly worded messages AND used capital letters, so things are getting serious.”
They added: “We have now received a response from Jackie Baillie MSP, which we have attached below in the interests of complete transparency.”
You have to keep your sense of humour when dealing with public officials and elected representatives in West Dunbartonshire since they themselves are a joke.
United said Baillie would be taking up the matter once her high-vis jacket arrived .
Unfortunately, the delivery driver from the online shop where she bought it was stuck in the traffic at Dalreoch.
Meanwhile, United’s spokesperson added that one of their coaches left training at East End Park last night and has JUST confirmed he has successfully made it to the start of the Dumbarton Bridge. His family is delighted to have him home safe. He’s tired, emotional and currently refusing to discuss the journey. His ETA – estimated time of arrival home – is Thursday.”
But there had been a major development within Dumbarton United’s investigations …
An undercover road worker named Gary had entered the debate and posted passionately to defend the roadworks.
Fundraising for fuel for the Dumbarton United helicopter is going extremely well — but they need to keep it going.
“With current traffic levels, DU1 is rapidly becoming our only realistic way of getting players from one side of the River to the other to get to training.
“Every £5 helps us:
Transport players over Dalreoch
Provide vital Eye in the Sky coverage
Remain on standby for the next Milton manhole incidentDUMBARTON UNITED INVESTIGATIONS
Yesterday: Football Club.
Today: Traffic Correspondents.
Tomorrow: Possibly running the country.
Obligatory boring bit: the Jackie Baillie letter here is a parody, and Dumbarton United does not actually own a helicopter. Any genuine funds raised go towards supporting our players and helping keep football affordable.
“Although at this point, buying a helicopter genuinely seems easier than getting across Dumbarton.”