Councillor Jim Bollan said recently that a heavily redacted internal audit report on the allegations of a graft and corruption at West Dunbartonshire Council was about as useful as “a chocolate poker”. I had never heard that one before, although I had heard of things that were said to be useless being referred to as a chocolate fireguard or a chocolate teapot. And then coincidence did what coincidence usually does, and a friend, David Calder, posted this picture of a chocolate teapot on Facebook. You can buy one at the upmarket Waitrose supermarket in Helensburgh if you have nothing better to do with your hard-earned money and you have £20 to blow. Waitrose are throwing in a sugar lump as an incentive to buy one of these. Perhaps they think you’re a horse? I suppose that if you don’t have the money then we are entitled to ask: “What’s with the long face then?” I have a feeling though that your mother wouldn’t be chuffed to receive on of these for Mother’ Day or for Easter Sunday.